Somtimes I Just Gotta Wonder

You know there are times in life, when you really have to wonder what the hell is going on around you, and where do you fit in with it all. You know you try to do things the way you supposed to, you have the faith, you think positive, and you leave it in the hands of the creator. Then you begin to see all sorts of things happening all around you to other people, with them barely even trying, and you are truly happy for them, you are. You still try to hold on to your faith though, because you just know its in the cards for you. So you wait and you wait and you wait and you manifest it, and you try to speak into existence, because it seems like its right in arms reach, but you just cant get to it.


Though all those others, they just put their arms and hands out and it just falls right in for them, and you're happy for them, not one bone of jealousy in you. Then you try to say well if its meant to be, it will happen, but you really feel that this is meant to me, you cant see how it can't be meant to be, but then slowly your faith begins to wain and you start to get weak, and start doubting yourself and imagine all kinds of things as to why its not happening and you try to stop these thoughts because you don't want that out in the universe. You only want that positive energy out there to come back to you, but what are you to do when it looks like every road that you try to go down is a dead end or a u-turn?


This is where i am right now, this minute, this moment, this second. I have faith i do, but its starting to break, and i had a talk with the "man" a lil while ago, i believe in him and i know he knows whats right, and i know he may not come when you call but he's always on time andi also know its not over til he says its over. So is all this a Test to see how strong i am or to make me stronger? If this is a test, then i've been tested for quite some time on this subject, i just thought this time the test would be over. I know that after this "test" i don't know in what shape i'll be in. I know that everything is already planned, i just wish someone at least give me a piece of the road map so i can get there.


I mean tell the truth, Don't You Just Wonder What The Hell is Really Going On and Where Exactly Do You Fit In? I need to know where i fit in and how do i get there, cuz i'm getting to the point where i am really tired. I feel like i've been wearing a mask for a some time now, and the mask is starting to crack beyond repair. I mean i'm not a complainer, i rarely complain about anything, but sometimes you just gotta vent.